For those who are new to this blog or being a friend, a little about me. I was born with and live with Spina Bifida, a neural tube defect that occurs days after conception causing paralysis plus numerous internal and external complications. Also, I was raised either in my biological family or adopted family in the Christian faith. That meant attending worship twice every Sunday(as much as possible)rarely on Wednesday. During the week we prayed, read the Bible occasionally and followed what we believed were the tenants of our faith(believing in Jesus Christ as the resurrected Lord and Messiah in addition to things like don't drink, smoke, swear, wait until marriage for sex, children did as they were told, there were consequences if we didn't. I still live by these and I'll get back to them). We believed in the Holy Spirit but didn't talk much about it as it was associated with unexplainable things such as miracles(we believed those only happened in the Bible). Somehow, whether it was taught outright or it's what I internalized from what I saw and heard, I came to believe that following all these things without question was all I needed to do to be saved and assured of going to heaven after death. To go against these things was, in a sense, a point of no return. In other words, once one becomes a Christian, sin is unacceptable and unforgivable. I had come to believe my salvation, though given through Christ as a gift, was within my control since I could follow rules and/or do as I was told without question or argument. I believed I was "right" and most others were wrong when it came to matters of religion. Relationship w/God wasn't something I thought I could have and prayer wasn't really conversing with him. He only wanted to here certain things. Again, this may or may not have been outright taught to me, but I internalized these messages based on what I heard and saw from others.
Most of my life I'd heard and believed "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we can't/don't see." This helped me with things related to my disability. For example, across my life I've had nearly thirty operations/medical procedures. As long as the doctor could tell me and my family what the problem was and how it could be dealt with to get me back to a more normal life, I placed my trust in God and mostly in whichever doctor to do what they said and usually I got back to my normal soon. Also, anytime there was a problem or concern that came up with our schooling and being included or getting needed accommodations, we knew that with our mom's help(which included but not limited to her fighting on our behalf) we would be accommodated/included as best was possible. In both these examples and many others I came to believe that with "faith" in God and/or whoever helped us through situations, our needs would be met exactly as we decided they should be. As I got into adulthood and began to speak more for myself and advocate for my needs, I found it more difficult to explain myself in ways that got me the outcomes I believed I needed to be included or accommodated. In other words, if I didn't see things happening the way I felt they should, I didn't have trust that I'd be included or accommodated and that I had lost control. I almost quit college because of this. I definitely left one job over it.
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