Sept.-Oct. 2011 I failed to mention that after the surgery, I'd have to wait 7 days to have another shunt inserted. Okay, where was I? Oh...while there was no malfunction there was infection so I was given Vancomyacin to combat it so as to keep it from spreading. The next few days were mostly more testing and waiting. Still no real conclusive answers as to the how and why of the fluid build-up. This was beginning to alarm me. In all my 30 some years (up to that point) of having 20 or more operations, I was always used to discovering what the problem was, what needed to be done and how long recovery would be. I never had any doubt or concern I wouldn't make it through. I knew God was in control. This was another monster all together. I began asking "if they can't find the cause, what next?" or "how can I handle this happening again?" I questioned and doubted God a lot. "Why did this happen?" What did I do?""Will I live?"
I was beginning to have what Drs. called cardiac PVC's (something like irregular, skipping heartbeats...is that the same thing :/ ). I really was getting scared now. I was hooked up to monitors that the nurses could keep track of from their station. Anytime my monitor's would show a problem they'd come in asking if I was okay. I got a little puzzled 'cause I felt fine. Then when I would feel something, the monitor's wouldn't make a sound or alert the nurses so I had too call them. It was weird and frustrating. At this point, for a lot of different reasons, I began to feel hopeless. I didn't want to alarm anyone so I kept a lot of thoughts private(shocking I know) yet inwardly, being absolutely certain of my salvation, I wanted to die and be with my Savior and those I'd missed so much. It was only recently during a conversation I admitted this to my mom. She said she could tell by the pain in my eyes and face...I thought "wow, there really is No Hiding Anything From Mom"
I also got tired of my hair and the hassel so I decided to shave it off. After getting the okay from the nurse, who tried to convince me against it, I called and asked if mom would help me. She didn't want to but she did. As we were doing this a Dr. came in and attempted to help us understand why the fluid collected in the first place. Peritenitis(sp?).
A few days later, October 4 2011 I finally had surgery to insert a new shunt. I was Excited...The End Was In Sight. Now that the shunt was in we could focus on how best to care for the blood clot. We decided I would learn to do Lovenox injections for the next three months. That way I wouldn't need to worry about going to a Dr. frequently for Coumiden tests. Doing injections independently was scary since there are only certain perimeters in limited areas in which they can be given, and at first I wasted a lot of needles, but I did get the hang of it.
Even with things improving, I was cautious to get excited. I asked to wait a couple days to be discharged to insure the Lovenox was working on the clot and the new shunt wouldn't malfunction. The social workers didn't want me to go home even though I had home health aides to assist me. They felt it would be better for me to go to some kind of rehab facility or even see if Hattie Larlham could/would be able to accept me as a respite patient.. I Was Furious and Medicated, I argued with everyone! I wanted to be home, in my bed and my familiar surroundings. Eventually, I did make my case and on Oct. 7, 2011 I Went Home!
Upon my arrival, there were two nurses and my mom scurrying around the apartment reading discharge instructions deciding which meds. I'd need and reinstating my respite services. In addition, the phone rang incessantly....it was mostly blood sucking bill collectors. I had to explain my whereabouts and that I wouldn't be able to make payments until I had a better grasp on what the checking account balance was as I hadn't worked since mid Sept. With all that going on, I wanted to pull the covers over my head and hide...make it all go away. Before everyone left all prescriptions were filled, IV antibiotics administered and I had some pain meds. Thankful for peace, quite and looking for a new start...recovery began.
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